During
this pandemic I’m asking God to help us all learn what we need to learn from
it, on an individual basis and collectively. I want to share with you some
things I’ve learned and a few things I feel I need to learn.
1. I can happily live with a lot less. When we were evacuated to Moscow, we had to leave almost everything behind in our townhouse in Vladivostok. Most of my clothes are there. I’m getting pretty tired of wearing the same shirts. Being worn so often, they’re starting to look old. I have to check my look in the mirror in various light to be sure they're not too threadbare. But that only brings me down temporarily – when I’m getting dressed. It has spurred me into pairing things differently just to feel like I’m wearing something different.
I don’t have my piano; I have my recorders. I’ve made more progress on the recorder in these few months than I did the year and a half I played with the TaizĂ© ensemble in Silver Spring. I do have access to an out-of-tune piano that is in ill repair, so when I go to it I can focus on reading and memory without any concern as to how I sound, since no one could sound good on this instrument.
Smaller joys have taken the place of day trips, meals out and parties. Every Saturday evening, Douglas and I watch a live concert online. I prepare a special meal or dessert and sometimes even dress up, as much as I can. A friend needed an escort to a nearby mall, so, while he was shopping, I treated myself to a bottle of cologne (L'Occitane Herbae). It lifts my spirits.
Douglas has been subscribing to a local
produce delivery service. Every week we receive several pounds of greens,
peppers, tomatoes, broccoli cucumbers, squash, kohlrabi, fennel and herbs. So
the question isn’t, “What should we have for dinner?” The question is, “How do
I prepare the kale this week?” And I hate kale. The good thing about kale, I
must say, is that you burn as many calories chewing it as is contained
in it. I’ve always eaten according to cravings. There is nothing in this
apartment that I’m craving, except my chocolate stash.
My takeaway
from this, I hope, will be finding more fulfillment in my own life in my own
home as it is, rather than feeding desires to have something else, the company
of someone else or another opportunity. While I hope I will continue to seek
and have new experiences, I want to find more of those within myself. (People
ask me how I like Moscow. I tell them I don’t know, but the Embassy grounds are
nice. I’d rather be healthy than out risking that nasty virus to see sights
that will still be there after this virus is – hopefully – gone.)
And I’m hoping
to hold onto some of these eating practices. As Douglas and I watch our parents
age, we see habits we need to instill now, before it’s too late.
2. I need
to know when to put my own desires aside for the good of society. I’d rather
be part of the solution, rather than part of the problem. I’d rather contribute
to order rather than chaos. I’m basically a rule-abider, but there are
occasions that, when facing a nonsensical rule, I’ll scoff it. Example: There
was a little-traveled side road in St. Paul I took occasionally. At one point,
there was a stop sign for the west-bound lane. There was no cross road, just a
parking lot on the north side. Traffic heading east had no stop sign. This made no
sense, so I regularly blew through the sign when there was no one around. No
harm done. The problem with that is inconsistency, picking and choosing which traffic
signs I’ll obey and when. The other problem is my unwillingness to stop and sit for a
second to honor the law. For the most part, I’m obeying pandemic rules. There
has been one exception, however. When we enter the Embassy compound, we are
supposed to use hand sanitizer. The problem with this, in my mind, was the
waste. Have it available for those who need it, but don’t mandate it for those
who might not need it at that moment. When I leave my apartment with clean
hands to shop, wear gloves while shopping and wash my hands (hand sanitizers
can be drying) when I get back home, I saw no reason for the sanitizer. (The doors don't need to be touched with hands when entering the compound, you can push them with your forearm.) The guards, however, would remind me to use it and not unlock the door until I did. I was actually juvenile enough that I'd pretend to use it. Okay, whatever, but the problem with that is the door I touched on my way out of the compound,
fumbling my gloves off and on in the store because I couldn’t use my phone to
access the translator or pull out my credit card to pay. The real problem with
that is my making a bigger deal out of using the consarned sanitizer than is called for.
They aren’t asking for a cell sample for genetic engineering. And, for crying
out loud, Laura, you’ve got lotion. Use it. Lastly, the problem with that is my frustration with people for not wearing masks and keeping their distance in public. Glass house. Stones.
The takeaway from this will be my examining myself in other areas. What else do I wrongly rationalize? Keeping in mind what I'm capable of is what has helped me curb my judgement of others over the years. There's always room for improvement there.
3. I need to take the counsel of those who know more than I do. And I need to be forgiving and understanding as they, too, are humans who are still learning. People love to reject all pandemic limitations by citing how we were originally told that masks didn't make you safer. This reminds me of how upset my older sister (by five years) got when she saw how differently my parents treated me than they treated her. My mom said in response to her complaints, "Don't you think we learned anything from raising you?" Well said, Mom. Unfortunately, those who are in charge are proverbially damned. If they had told us from the start to wear masks, a certain group of people would have still complained about their rights. If they had not admitted their earlier mistake, they'd have been accused of keeping things from the public. Having fessed up, they are ridiculed.
Sigh. Tune in next month for what I'm learning from this administration.
If one news source tells me to do something uncomfortable and another tells me to maintain the status quo, it's easy to reject the former. I need to learn to look at it objectively. If this pandemic had happened when I was in my twenties, I'd probably be sprawled out naked and diapered, in the throes of live nightmares on a hospital bed with a tube down my throat never to sing well again. But I've matured since then. For such a long time I was so foolish and self-centered, that I always assumed others were smarter and more composed than I could ever hope to be. Then I started keeping the company of smarter people and wised up. This might sound judgmental, but, trust me, it's not. When I see mass foolishness, like refusal to wear a mask and keep distant in public, I don't understand how they can still be stuck in that juvenile place. I emerged from it, what's the problem? This is not a holier-than-thou observation. It's an if I can choke down kale, you can put on a mask observation. (I sure hope that makes as much sense to you, dear reader, as it does to me.)
4. I want to learn to be the one who sets a good example. There is power and influence in that, and influence - much more influence than in judging or chastising. Part of setting a good example is admitting our shortcomings while we tow the line. I also want to point out people who set the good example, tell them how its appreciated, build them up.
On my mind today has been the title of a book of photographs that I bought for my grandmother when her eyesight began to fail. It's called In Spite of Everything, Yes edited by Caroline and Ralph Steiner. I like the title as much as the photographs. In spite of this pandemic, yes we can live as fully as we are able. In spite of many limitations, we have many freedoms.
I'll leave you with some pictures I took when Douglas and I walked to Novodevichy.
The above statue of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson is on a sidewalk that runs along a road paralleling the Moscow River. It sits below the British Embassy. Very fitting.
I really wish I took better pictures. Sorry everybody. The wall of the British Embassy has dozens of verses on it alternately in Russian and English. Here's the full text of this one that I cut off:
I would to heaven that I were so much clay
As I am blood, bone, marrow, passion, feeling -
Because at least the past were pass'd away -
And the future - (but I write this reeling,
Having got exceedingly drunk to-day,
So that I seem to stand upon the ceiling)
I say - the future is a serious matter -
And so - for God's sake - hock and soda-water.
- George Gordon, Lord Byron 1788 - 1824
