The Greater Kudu

There is an antelope called a greater kudu. The males have curled, twisted horns protruding from their heads. They spar with other males by interlocking horns to see who has the strongest pull.

We, as humans, are supposed to be smarter than the other animals. I couldn't help but think of mankind when I heard about greater kudus. We constantly entangle ourselves with one another in battle. From brother and sister fights to lovers' quarrels to outright war, we lock ourselves together with our adversaries over and over. The main difference as I see it is that we realize what we're doing and we can decide against it.

The greater kudus will often lock horns and find themselves unable to disengage them. When this occurs they wind up starving to death or dying of dehydration. All for the love of a female.

We've all heard the term "butting heads" when two people go at an argument to the ridiculous. I, myself, have heard it often throughout my life - often aimed at me. Why do we love conflict so much? Let's start with the small stuff. (And, according to some, it's all small stuff.) Why do we have to have the last word? Why do we have to be first in the line of traffic? Why do we care so much about what someone else believes?

I can ask these questions with a lot of life experience behind them. In the heat of an argument something in me knows that if I have the last word I have 'won' the argument because they've run out of things to say. In my efforts to 'win' I have repeated my opinion until I'm sick of it. I have failed to realize that only truth wins. If there is more than one truth, there is more than one 'winner'. I'm learning to state my opinion once - maybe twice if I can intelligently reword it or I truly don't think the other person got it - and then, with all that's in me (and that's not a whole lot yet, folks) shut up. At most I may say, "Well, I've told you how I feel." If I indeed have the truth and I have put it out there, there is not a whole lot else I can do. It's up to the person hearing it to move next. I have to learn to rest in that. I also have to learn to walk away and replay what they've said just in case they are right.

I got more traffic tickets in Phoenix than I could afford, usually for speeding. I did not like being passed. I didn't like it when someone would pull in front of me without enough space to do it safely or without signaling. I shouldn't have liked it. I still don't. Those who do that are wrong and dangerous and should not be driving. With that said, let me share with you my brilliant reactions to their bad driving. I needed to teach them (someone needed to) why they shouldn't drive like that. So I'd hurry and do the same thing to them. There! Gotcha! The incredible thing is, I never got a ticket when driving stupidly like that. How and when I got ticketed is another blog. Actually, a better blog would be the tickets I managed to worm my way out of. Anyway, eventually my conscience started talking to me. I decided that I should not do that any more. Easy to think . . . So I had to replace it with something just like a chain smoker has to replace the cigarette with something if he's going to quit. So I thought it out. Let them be wrong, I'll be right. Kind of self-righteous, but also just plain right. Who cares which side of my car they drive on? Logical, I still like that one. But my favorite remains, "Fine. If you drive that poorly, I'd rather have you in my sights than come out of nowhere again and cause an accident." I faltered, however, in my efforts to be the better driver. I eventually started back into the habit of speeding past them to keep them behind me because, "If you're going to cause an accident - which, driving like that, you will - I don't want to get stuck in the back up." Ah, me.

The one place where I've made the best progress is not caring so much about what others believe. Truly it's not that I am uncaring, I just realize that it usually doesn't matter to me. It doesn't make any difference in my life. I try to learn from them. How do they come to that belief? How do they express it? How can I express my beliefs? How should I not express my beliefs?

We are all distressed about the amount of war in our world. I know that the layers of reasons for war go deeper than I understand. I believe, however, that, at the base is not only greed, but belief systems. Too many people believe that those who live or think differently should not exist. This offers me a chance to say what I think is the root of almost all the trouble in our world. Selfishness. Whether it be manifested in greed, intolerance, chemical dependency (which, I know, has other roots, too), rape or other brutish, barbaric behavior. When self-centered meets self-centered, they lock horns and pull. They try to pull the other one over to their side. They try to make the other one go where they think they should go.

Who wins when your horns are locked and you're thirsty and hungry?

I've had some uncomfortable confrontations with some friends over the years. Sometimes I have simply ignored the offense to keep the peace. Other times I've argued or tried good old-fashioned debate. Sometimes I've questioned whether or not to continue in the friendship if there is so much stressful disagreement in it. I haven't ended any of these friendships for many reasons. One of them is my realization that if I cannot get along with my neighbor how can I ever expect peace in the Middle East? I think I've posed this question before in another blog so forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I think it bears repeating.