To What End?

I feel so sorry for people who are so scared that they don't know what to do, other than scare others. But I don't think they want my pity. I can't speak for them, but I think they want to be able to live their lives without fear of abuse from those they're supposed to be able to depend on and turn to when they're scared.

I don't understand people who are angry - justly or otherwise - at one person or entity and take it out on another. I hold bitterness against them. But it's bitterness that festers in them and drives them to justify their atrocities. It seems like those who are judged so shallowly have learned by the example of society to judge others with a mere glance.

I'm sick with worry and anxious with excitement (an odd dichotomy to have within myself) for those who act out of ignorance, who are so intimidated by the knowledge of others that they scorn and mock it rather than learn more themselves.The sickness comes, in part, from wondering where I'd be had I not come to try to emulate a society of people who constantly seek knowledge, people who are comfortable enough to admit areas of ignorance and look to the hard work of others to fill those voids. The worry comes from seeing a society more comfortable in acting on ignorance rather than using the expertise of the learned. The excitement? That's hope. I hope they, like me, come into the company of those who can accept them as they are in anticipation of their turning toward knowledge. What a thrill it is to be both ignorant and respected among such knowledgeable people. (Their feelings for me were/are probably quite a dichotomy for them.) Remember: ignorance is innocent; chosen ignorance is dangerous.

I said above that I don't understand how people lash out at random businesses when they're outraged at the police (or whoever). But maybe I do. I started writing letters to my congressmen and women and representatives years ago. I know my vote doesn't make any difference, mathematically, so perhaps my perspective and opinions will. Not one member of congress has ever written me back. I have received several form letters (after specifically requesting that they not do that).  But no one has ever responded to any idea or question I've presented to them. The NFL players who took to their knees in peaceful protest during the national anthem only received criticism for their harmless protest. We have too many people in charge who don't know how to tend to the needs of society. They're in over their heads, and it might not be their fault. We might be overpopulated and, consequently, needy. I don't know, which is why I'm not in charge. (One of the many reasons.) Too many people - whether children at home or in school, or adults in the work force or homeless and jobless - don't get listened to when they have a need or something vital to contribute. When they go about it rationally - voting, writing letters, legally protesting - and they're ignored, they're choices are to give up or find another way.

It's not my place to speak for others. I know this. It is my place to live as compassionate a life as I'm able. I haven't always had the empathy to do this. I suspect there might be someone reading this blog who lacks the empathy needed when we see a public killing by one of our peacekeepers and the resulting rioting. The people who are scared in the riots of Minneapolis could just as easily be the same people who are objecting to some of their freedoms taken from them by a virus during this pandemic, for reasons they don't understand. They could be the same people who are, in their bitterness toward those who refuse protection against the virus, forget that they, too, lack understanding sometimes.  I'm not trying to speak for any certain group of people, I'm merely trying (clumsily, I'm afraid) to offer the perspective I've come to.

If we are able, I think it will help all of us to sort through our emotional responses. I feel angry, am I really sad? I feel scared, am I really confused? I look at the riot videos and see all this energy going into destruction, rather than an beginnings of a solution. And I believe that every one of those individuals who are burning, breaking and stealing the property of others could contribute to the solution, if those in charge would only give them the chance.