Quarantine Bloglette: Mindfulness

Part of a prayer I say (nearly) every day is for mindfulness. I pray that I don’t just flit through life unengaged, unaware. And I pray that I not live too much in the past nor too much in the future, that I focus on now, on the moment at hand. I need this now.

I find myself fantasizing about the farewell luncheon the Ambassador has told us he’ll hold for us at his residence. (Here's a link: The Ambassador's residence) I look forward to a welcome back party at the Consulate in Vladivostok.

When I let my thoughts drift to the future, I’m stealing from the present.

It reminds me of a dream I had years ago. I was home between piano lessons. In reality, I was lying in bed after lunch, reading and eating chocolates. I got sleepy, and drifted off to sleep. (I did this nearly every day.) Then I dreamed. I dreamed that I was home taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon, when I heard someone come into the house. It was one of those dreams in which I couldn’t move. I heard whoever it was coming up the stairs. I tried and tried to move, but couldn’t. I realized that it was Douglas. I didn’t want him catching me napping in the middle of the day when he worked so hard all day, but I was paralyzed. He came into the bedroom, crawled in bed with me and held me. He started talking in a soothing voice. “I know this is hard, but it’s for the best.” I realized that he had poisoned me and had come home to be with me when I died.

Then I woke up. It was a most unsettling dream. I rolled over and went back to sleep to forget about it, and dreamed it again!

Upon awakening the second time, I sat up. “Okay,” I said. “You’ve got my attention.” What was the dream telling me? Douglas would certain never hurt me, let alone poison me. My mind quickly went to the Jungian theory that every dream character is an aspect of ourselves. And I instantly knew what the dream was about. Every day that I came home between piano students and napped, I was wasting precious time in my life. I might as well die early.

My behavior changed dramatically after that. Instead of napping needlessly, I took walks, practiced, visited a friend, anything but waste my life.

When I sit here in Moscow and think about what might be, I lose the present in the same way as if I were sleeping through it.

I've heard others advise to think about what we can do, rather than on what we can't do. I don't think I offer any unique perspectives here, but sometimes hearing the same thing phrased differently or from someone from whom we aren't close to clarifies things. I hope these blogs help. 

Douglas and I are fortunate to live on the Embassy compound with space to walk around, unlike some who are more limited. This is one of the views we have. The church is the Orthodox Church of the Nine Kizikos Martyrs. Here's a link, so you can see some nice pictures of it: Church pictures